Norm’s Quiet Revenge

DavidRunning--cartoon-person-people-funny-silly-breadwig_com
For an explanation of peculiar bush Australia expression see comments at the end.

With a hearty stretch and stifled sigh
I emerged from covers warm,
And eyed the rays of the rising sun
As I thought of my neighbour Norm.

Now Norm was a man of the hardy kind
Who are out at the * crack of dawn,
If you walk with him you will fall behind
And you’ll sweat in the clothes you’ve worn.

And I did recall as I lay forlorn
Of his challenge for me to go,
When he’d walk on a cold and frosty morn
As fog and clouds hung low.

So I straightened out with a turned down lip
And I looked for my walking stuff,
I fumed as I thought of the evening slip
So sure I had Norman’s bluff.

For Norm had complained of an injured back
And in jest I feigned displeasure,
Said I’d hoped that he’d share his track attack
Next morning regardless the weather.

Now Norm wasn’t quick on the humour side
So he carefully thought things through,
He was loathe to let good friendship slide
For he cared for this friend * true blue.

He called to his wife and they conversed long
And his Nell nodded toward our place,
Then she went to work on those muscles strong
With her skill and her wifely grace.

Then I went inside and I told Danielle
That Norm was the butt of a joke,
He’d be much too sore it was plain to tell
I could sleep like a * pig in a poke.

Then at 10 pm by my trusty clock
There’s a knock and the front bell rang,
Danielle was the one to release the lock
Entering in through the door Norm sprang

“Me wife has the skill of the ancient Druids
And she’s done good job I think,
With her poultices and some nice warm fluids
Now me back’s feelin * in the pink!”

“I’d been feelin’ quite out of sorts you see
And teemorra been a bit * iffy,
But you looked so painfully sad to me
Nell fixed me back * in a jiffy.”

‘Twas after he left Danielle * cracked up
Tears of mirth trickled down her cheek,
She shook with her mirth as she raised her cup
To a neighbour quiet and meek.

There was no way out for this clever gent
And I’d have to take my beating,
For its friends like Norm that heaven sent
To prevent a man from cheating.

I can see Danielle at the window pane
And she waves with a big wide smile,
While we head breakneck down the country lane
On the start of our first five mile.

“© Copyright Ian Grice 2014, all rights reserved”
Nb. The above image is property of breadwig_com

Oz Talk explanations
• Crack of dawn – daybreak
• True Blue – faithful friend
• Pig in a Poke – snuggled in securely
• In the pink – healthy
• Iffy – not quite right
• In a jiffy – quickly
• Cracked up – laughed until sides hurt

14 Comments Add yours

  1. borika45 says:

    I too share the above comment. this was as good an Banjo Patterson….more please

    Like

    1. I think I’m beginning to slow down Barb, Not sure if I can produce any other masterpieces. lol

      Like

  2. Mags Corner says:

    Love it sweet Ian, you brought a smile and some giggles with this one. I could see it all as I read…too funny. I knew all the sayings have heard and used them all my life. Hugs

    Like

    1. Glad you liked it. I had fun putting it together

      Like

  3. Loved this one Ian. I need a friend like Norm! Knew all these phrases, we use many of the here as well, or least they were buried historically in our lexicon. I have always said I believe Texans and Australians are related.

    You did a great job, flowed wonderfully and brought smiles.

    Like

    1. Did you know that a huge moving population went back and forth between the US west coast gold fields and the Australian goldfields during their hey day? So I think there must have been some cross cultural planting there. lol

      Like

  4. Jane Thorne says:

    I love every word Ian and it fair ‘rattles’ along…dinkum. Oh the expansive things we say when we think we are safe! I love how Danielle lovingly laughed…this is very good and just what I needed at breakfast. Thank you. 🙂

    Like

    1. Yes I had fun putting that one together. We call this style bush ballads here.

      Like

  5. Eric Alagan says:

    I had a good chuckle and also learned a couple of new phrases, Ian.

    The ditty flowed well and rhymed as it went 🙂

    Norm got his revenge. all right.

    All good wishes,
    Eric

    Like

    1. I’m on the side of Norm. He may have been a bit dense but he over powered the smart guy didn’t he? lol

      Like

  6. billgncs says:

    English is such a living language – it was fun to compare some of the sayings to what we use. My mom used “pig in a poke” for a rice and hamburger mix wrapped with cabbage and boiled.

    Like

    1. It can double as a sausage in a bun sold around the schools by street stall people during school lunch breaks back in the 1940’s Australia but that may have been a local invention. lol.
      Indeed English is an evolving language. Check out early poems written centuries ago and in some cases you need an interpreter to understand what the author is saying.

      Like

  7. jstansfeld says:

    This is a great epic poem, Ian. It reminds me of ‘The Highwayman’ (Alfred Noyes ) which my mother, and sister, can quote in total – I always wished that I could write one, this is inspiration – perhaps one day!
    Cheerio, Jane

    Like

    1. Oh my Jane! I’m in awe of your writing! You write in beautiful language, the height of which I will never reach.

      Like

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