Daniella’s Confession

‘Would you let me take you to a restaurant occasionally as well as sports events Daniella?

 “As friends and nothing more I’d be very interested as it would certainly take away some of the lonely hours I have. But I insist on paying my share when we go out so it’s a deal. But don’t take it beyond friendship Rob as I must deal with a lot of stuff from the past that I’ll not share and ask you not to attempt to pry that out of me as we do things together. I’m looking forward to this friendship as I need someone to share time with and frightened to trust anyone but for some reason, I trust you so don’t let me down or this friendship will come to a sudden end.”

Robert Pritchard was never happier in his life than he was as he approached the first-year end with Daniella as a constant companion evenings after work and weekends. He was planning to visit with his parents over the holiday season and wondered if Daniella would be willing to join him if she was not intending to join her own parents.   He’d not attempted to try romancing this woman as she’d underlined many times over months, they did things together she was interested in him as a friend and not as a potential partner for life. Would she take an invitation to join him in a visit to his parents in the wrong way?  So, as they enjoyed time together eating in a little café, he broached the subject carefully. They’d given up the pretence of Spanish language practice and switched between English and Spanish whenever they felt like it.   

“Daniella will you be planning on spending time with your parents this coming holiday season. I’ll certainly miss our time together.”

She shook her head concentrating on the food and tapping her fingers to the Salsa music playing from the restaurant speaker system.

“I’m going to be spending time with my family. They have a large home by the ocean with bunkhouse style accommodation attached for the extended family and we’d be roughing it in bunks in a common area but there’s separate men’s and women’s rest rooms where you can change privately.  The kids sleep on the floors in the residence so there’s a range of ages and we always have a great time on the beach and engaging in water sports. My parents keep jet ski’s sail boats and other water sports equipment. We are a large extended family that likes to be together on occasions and my parents are well off having been into banking all their working life.”

Daniella frowned.

“I don’t think I’d enjoy that, Rob. I’m not much into socializing but have enjoyed our friendship very much. You have no idea how good it’s been for me to be out with someone on a regular basis instead of just work and a lonely home. So, you go and enjoy your family and let me know when you return.”

 “Daniella, I could not enjoy myself knowing you are sitting in your home alone during the festive season when we should all be enjoying company. I’m begging you to give it a try and if you don’t like it, I’ll drive you home and spend the holiday period around here with you, so you’re not lonely.”

Tears formed in Daniella’s eyes, and she quickly reached inside her purse for a tissue to dry her eyes. Rob could see the suggestion had upset her and was alarmed.    

“I’m sorry Daniella I shouldn’t be so pushy and won’t ask you again.”

“Rob what’s going on. I can’t understand why you’d want me to be with you in a family gathering when I’m not even prepared to reconnect with my own family over holiday break. We had an agreement this was just a friendship, and your family would read much more into my suddenly appearing on their horizon.”

“Daniella my family are very considerate and never intrusive in other people’s lives or business. They genuinely accept people for who they are and don’t pry into the life of any of us unless we want to share with them. We are not surprised to find people outside the family at any of our get togethers. The invitation is open, but I won’t ask you again but hope you decide to come with no strings attached and just enjoy yourself. I’ll bring you back here if you can’t handle it once there if you decide to give it a try.”

 That evening at home Daniella sat crying on her lounge in front of the TV. She enjoyed Rob’s company and under different circumstances would welcome his attentions in a romantic way but that could never be and the thought of her difference and isolation from family and a larger circle of friends was a constant pain. What was this game he was playing. She had an impression from the very beginning of their contact at the social welfare department he knew who she really was. He’d mentioned Richmond High School and a girl he’d had a crush on there and the way he looked at her when he said that alerted her, he probably knew she was not Daniella Bowen but that girl Darlene Brown. Why was he playing this game?  Daniella’s heart had skipped a beat to know he’d had this secret crush on her as she’d felt isolated at the time and could have done with that positive reinforcement though she knew it could never have worked out. Now he’d invited her to join his family for the holidays. That was usually an indication to family that they were now an item and could eventually spend their whole life together.  She wanted that but it could never be.

From her earliest years she’d been aware of the difference. A white girl in a black family. It was one of those genetic realities that can cause a throwback when races mix, and it can crop up in future generations when least expected. Her grandfather had married a white woman from a low socio-economic family back when it was frowned upon and even dangerous to do so for both parties to the marriage and stories told were that they’d suffered for their indiscretion. The union had produced black children. Her mother was black and her father who’d migrated from a Spanish speaking Caribbean Island was black but out of their union they produced four black sons and two daughters one black, and one white and the white one was named Darlene Brown.

Her parents and the black community were unhappy because it reminded them of their women who’d been used by slave owners for their vile satisfaction and the offspring had been treated with anger at that exploitation.

And white society had looked with disapproval at this white girl being raised in a black community. She remembered those looks from students in elementary and high school and the destructive comments hurled her way as her parents delivered her to school. Robert Pritchard had been at her high school and would have been aware of that and yet he said he had a crush on her. Who knows what kind of children she’d produce in a marriage. Would there be a reverse order throwback genetically that would cause her to produce black children in wedlock and how would her husband deal with that after what she’d observed in both the black and white community. How could she put children she produced through the agonies she’d suffered from both communities?

So, she’d spent many sessions with counsellors and that had been helpful as she reached maturity, and she’d merged into white society and been accepted but kept her background and secrets to herself. Her parents and siblings were quite content with the fact she’d cut off communications with the family. It had been less painful to keep away from relationships in the white community too and that was the reason she lived two lives. The seemingly vibrant and empathetic social worker who worked hard and was loved by her constituents and the one who shut off relationships after work avoiding any permanent relationship that could expose her. She sighed. It was only fair to share this with her only true friend Rob with the explanation as to why they could only be friends and if having told him her secret he cut her off she was used to being alone outside of work.

To be continued.

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