Compromised

Jock was happy to leave the nursery and head for the dining room and wished everyone a happy evening as he departed. Andrea reached out and took his arm as he was heading out.

“Thank you for coming tonight Mr. Geldard I’m feeling more positive now that you will establish a relationship with these babies. Take my advice and find a wife to replace your Carol, I think you’ll be careful to find one who’d love and care for these children now and I’ll be happy to leave when you do that.”

Andrea had touched him as he exited the room and that touch from her sent an electric current through his whole body he’d never experienced before, and he remembered the fragrance of her perfume he’d enjoyed previously. When he did feel it appropriate to marry again it would have to be someone like this woman but culturally, they were obviously not suited and as he thought about this more, he wondered how such a wife would fit in with his ambitions to enter the political arena where the wife would have to be a high social flyer. That was incompatible with looking after children though. He went to the dining room confused and beginning to hate the stress of his current lifestyle and resentful this woman had appeared to complicate the life he was familiar with.

That evening as he sat working on briefs for Rudy, he thought of the implications of what the legal firm was fighting for on behalf of their clients. Sometimes he could see a win for them would not be in the best interests of the public or the environment. Generally, the public lacked the means to monitor what would affect them in future and relied on their elected representatives to guard against abuses and protect them. Jock knew this didn’t always happen and the powerful selfish interests his legal firm fought for were only interested in satisfying shareholders and pocketing huge amounts of wealth for their personal efforts.

Jock was very well remunerated not only from earnings from his employment but also from grateful recipients of legal cases he won, and the government cooperated with his firm positively for their client’s benefit. Suddenly, he felt part of a conspiracy to benefit self at the expense of a trusting public and loathed that label he placed on himself. He remembered his black woman teacher at university studies who had a private practice taking the cases of disadvantaged people and teaching ethics and other courses at legal school. Students originating from privileged rich families wrote their expected assignments mouthing platitudes in their expected responses but privately scoffed at the idea of ethics in law. It was all about winning for the client in their thinking no matter the ethics of that win. The reality was survival of the fittest and only losers thought otherwise.

Suddenly, he felt depressed and unable to concentrate on work on the table in front of him. He thought of the feelings surfacing as he held the twins in his arms and watching this Latino woman pour herself into his children. He thought of the woman who’d poured herself into bringing him through childhood and been summarily dismissed when he was in his early teens. He’d shed private tears over that ungrateful act. He thought of the neglect his parents had shown over those years, more interested in their angry interactions with each other than what he was doing or feeling. Oh, he’d had access to all the wealth at their disposal and the trappings of the good life but realized it was empty of satisfaction. He poured that frustration into study, sport, and partying in equal proportion to deaden the feeling of loss he didn’t quite understand. That was life and only the fittest survived, so he aimed to be on top and have everything to be desired.

 But what had this bought him? Nothing but the constant round of stressful events and a bank increasing in size he didn’t know what to do with. No time for vacations as he had to give every minute of the day to achieving his ambitions and realized it bought him nothing but emptiness this evening. He went to the stand-up mirror in his office and inspected himself. Muscle tone was not as it had been at the university, and he didn’t look healthy. He needed time off to recover or face a possible nervous breakdown. What was his motive in seeking a political career? Service to the country as it was supposed to be or, power and further wealth. What was this love the Latino woman was always lecturing him on? It was bordering on irritating.

Shaking his head to clear it he walked to the end of the house where the nurse and children were. He felt the need to hold his children and looked at his watch noting it was quite late. He stood outside the door and fidgeted wondering why he happened to be there. He’d forgotten he had a large notepad in his hand, and it fell to the floor. He froze and bent to pick it up.

A light appeared in the crack under the door, and he heard movement inside, so he remained still. He heard her go into the nursery to check because women are tuned into any noise when child raising is concerned. Then the door opened a crack, and she looked out while Jock stood there looking guilty illuminated in the hallway.

“What are you doing out there? If you think you own me and can just come and have your way with me when servants are asleep you are in for a big disappointment as I’m not your type. Why are you here?”

Jock felt humiliated as that was the last thing on his mind, and he had no explanation for his strange presence there. His brain raced for an answer.

“You have misunderstood me Andrea I just wanted to see my children were OK and was listening at the door.”

Andrea was not convinced but knew she was capable of handling him, so she opened the door and pointed at the nursery. She realized she was inappropriately dressed to invite him in but confident of being able to deal with the situation. She followed him into the nursery and watched warily as he studied the children. Then involuntarily reached in and touched them in turn sighing. Then turned to face Andrea.

“Thank you. I didn’t mean to disturb you, I only intended to listen at the door, but you’ve been very generous in letting me see them and I’m sorry you thought I wanted to act inappropriately with you. I’d never take advantage of you. Please forgive this intrusion and I’ll leave now. I won’t repeat this again.

Andrea was amazed at the transformation in this man’s attitude in such a short time and put up her hand to stop him from leaving.

“Mr. Geldard for the first time I see something good in you, so you’ll come and sit on my lounge and tell me what this is about. What is the real reason you came here? I think you are beginning to see there is more in life than you thought. What bought that on? Get it off your chest so I can try to understand you and can go back to bed and get some sleep.”

All those thoughts he’d had in his office came pouring out in a rush and she listened in silence until he came to a halt eventually. They both sat in silence for a while.

“I think we can be friends after hearing your story, so I’ll call you Jock from now on. You are living a false life. Wealth is not wrong; power is not wrong if used for the benefit of others but while you haven’t disclosed details and that is appropriate, I understand you’re struggling with the ethics of what you are doing in your work. My parents worked hard and became rich but always examined their projects to see there were ethics involved and succeeded despite the majority not valuing that concept. So, I think you’re beginning to feel you are in the wrong job. What is your ambition in life Jock?”

“I was aiming for a political career but now am not sure that would be the right thing to do if I’m to be a father to my children and give them opportunities I never had. I’m very confused and that’s why I did this foolish thing of coming here so late this evening. I need someone I admire to help me get my thinking straight so felt safe to reveal my thoughts to you.”

To be continued.

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